You only get to hear the last words out of someone’s mouth once. Rarely do you know it will be their last words to you. It’s usually not a thought in your head.
My mother’s last words were: “No. Ron. Don’t.” Her last attempt at saving my life while hers was slipping away.
Before those words were spoken, we were walking to the car together, she instructing me to stay inside the house until she could unlock the car doors because of the drizzling rain. I half-listened.
Before those words were spoken, she was telling me to keep her little secret as I watched her put her makeup on for the very last time. My mother was always ready and raring to go. Hair fluffed. Makeup on. Clothes Cool. Even on her last day she was primping even though she wasn’t excited to see my father.
Before those words, she was telling me about the move we were going to make from upper Michigan to Minneapolis. A tiny town to a big city. I couldn’t wait. And, of course, my father was on his way so she reminded me to ‘be nice.’ As if I could be anything but. Being the mediator in the family was a full-time job.
I’ve thought a lot about my mother’s last words. And so has Jessica.
Jessica entered the Starting Over house with a mission: To let go of the past and heal her personal grief from 9/11. She wanted to move on and live but the pain just kept on keeping her stuck and stalled.
When I first met her, I could tell she wanted to heal but giving up the pain of losing your mother can be tough to do. Grief and loss are such seductive bedfellows. One minute you want to say good-bye, the next your clinging on to a fading memory.
Jessica remembers a conversation she had with her mother so vividly that it keeps recurring in her dreams. There seems to be little difference between the reality she remembers and the dreams that are waking her up in the middle of the night.
Last words matter. Last memories matter. Last dreams about your loved ones? Matter.
Just like I had to reframe the last words my mother spoke to me, so did Jessica.
Jessica needed a redo. So I gave it to her. Not in the typical way since her mother was already gone. But in a way that could create some new memories helping her with one more layer of healing.
Go ahead and watch the clip of the Fearbuster Exercise I created just for her. Plus be on the lookout for how she couldn’t have done this Exercise without the help of her housemates.
We heal together. This much I know.
If you’ve ever wanted to shift a conversation or change a memory to work more in your favor, this Exercise will support you.
Go ahead and watch it now. It’s time to live in the present right here, right now. This I know.
How does Jessica’s story apply to your life? Is there someone in your life that you need to have one more conversation with (alive or dead)?
Go on over and make a comment below and tell me what you think.
Always remember: you may be able to get free alone but the only way to stay free is together.
So let’s heal and hang-on. We are in for a ride!
p.s. Be attentive of the shifts you are making. Give credit where credit is due. And be kind. The last words you spoke may be the last words someone hears.