December 2007

Days ticking by until the New Year. Reflecting back on what was to get a glimpse of what might be.

I’ve always said how you enter one year is how you will enter the next. That holds true for relationships and jobs. The ending matters just as much as the beginning. The good news is is that the ending is always determined by you. What you do with how it ended, what you are left with and how you integrate it to make something fresh, new, life-enhancing.

It’s no secret that I’ve had a particular tough year. Emotionally, I have been through the ringer. Physically, I feel drained. Spiritually, I have leaned on what I know, what I believe. And yet, there have been moments I have felt in crisis in all areas of my life.

This year has been one of learning to be more true to me than I ever dreamed. I didn’t even know I was being less than what I could be. I had no idea that there were some cracks in my life. Everything appeared and felt, until this year, to be clear, focused and centered. I knew who I was, my purpose and my values. And I thought I was doing a heck of a job being me.

I think there are times in all of our lives when it feels like the wind gets kicked out of you but nothing truly dramatic has happened. You are going along in your life and wham! You are knocked down on the ground and can’t seem to get a foothold on much of anything.

That is what this entire year felt like.

I have been reading a ton of books to give me reassurance and solace. Many talk about the feelings of being lost, nothing feels solid or real. I nod my head. I have read some of these books previously. Then, I thought I understood what they were talking about. Heck, I have had plenty of despair and suffering. But nothing like this.

This is what it has felt like…when I was in emotional pain before I didn’t know what was happening to me. Now, I know. And my heightened awareness, in many ways, makes this better. Yet, in some ways, it makes it feel worse.

Each day I attempt to the best of my ability to allow what is moving through me to move. Each day I cry if tears show up, vent if need be and tell the truth. Always telling the truth.

What feels weird is I feel more dead and more alive at the same time. I know a part of me is dying. The part that is small and predictable and is run by hidden rules. I also know a part of me is blossoming. It feels strong and clean and powerful. I see more glimpses of that part of me becoming more awake.

I wonder what else has to die within me for me to awaken more fully? I wonder what part of you has to die for you to own more of your life? I wonder what you and I have to claim? Stand for? Let go of? Say no to? Say yes to? Own up to? in order for us to walk into 2008 clean?

In the days ahead, I ask you to reflect upon the changes you have made in 2007. What tools and skills are you taking in to the new year? What qualities of being are you expressing and owning and sharing that you can claim as yours for 2007?

To help you, I urge you to list 100 gratitudes and 100 acknowledgements for 2007. This will give you a foundation to lean on as you walk into 2008. I’m doing it. Please join me. Perhaps 2008 will be the year we all decide to truly live fearlessly!